I ate a few pieces of fruit
that is all
I’ve managed to do
It’s just not any kind of sadness I can snap out of
It’s more pervasive
It’s the absence of any feeling
or want
except for you
It’s simple, I said
I just want you
Hey
I miss you
I miss saying your name
and knowing what you had for lunch
I miss opening the door
and finding you in a suit
with a tie I could pull
in for a kiss
I miss having a man
who wanted to have my babies
but not if I haven’t seen the Empire Strikes Back
I miss the smell of your soap
And the shape of your arms
I miss knowing
that I’d never have to look again
to find love
He doesn’t want to choke me
He says he doesn’t want to
hurt me
and he’s scared that he will
even though I kept
grasping at his hands
to wring
harder
harder cuz I was almost there
fuck
more
harder
please
squeeze
the air out of me
all I want to feel is my clit
a firing squad
He wants a safe word
I don’t
“I just don’t want you to keep any secrets from me.”
“I’m not keeping any secrets from you.”
“It’s not fair, you’ve seen mine.”
“You wanna know what it looks like? It looks like this.”
He pursed his lips and drew his finger in a circle around his mouth.
“With all this hair around it. It looks exactly like this.”
She laughed. It was a ridiculous concept. Only, it still seemed like the biggest mystery between them. She couldn’t stand not knowing him. Fully, truly.
“WHY WON’T YOU LET ME SEE YOUR BUTTHOLE!”
At this point, she was laughing even harder. There were more pressing issues at hand. Like how to escape from underneath him, for another battle had begun. A tickle fight.
“Come look!
It’s called a squashed rat.”
“A what?”
“A squashed rat!”
It was his penis pushed up against the glass of the shower doors. Wet curls, big smile, a little chuckle. So proud in his naked glory, my darling.
I slid open the door and gave him a kiss.
I think about fucking other people all the time
But I need to know that
you aren’t
You need to accept that you’ve plateaued
that maybe you hadn’t made the better choice
you just made
a
choice
